Saying goodbye, why is it sad, makes us remember the good times we've had.

We love Biglaw departure memos. It’s so much fun to take a glimpse into the mind of somebody who is on their way out of the Biglaw racket.

Sure, we like the epic ones. And we even like the quirky ones that hint at a future full of adventures.

One thing we don’t see a lot of are the unabashedly positive ones. That makes some sense. If you loved your Biglaw job that much, you wouldn’t leave. But there are people who unabashedly enjoyed their time in the trenches of Biglaw.

Today we have a guy who laid down a glowing rhetorical flourish as he exited stage right….

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Investing in rims is a safer bet than investing in law school

Occasionally, people will tell me that the calculus for attending law school is different for African-Americans than it is for any other kind of American. The proponents of this theory (and people who believe this come from all races) start with the objective fact that African-Americans are underrepresented as members of the bar. They view that as a social injustice that contributes to the fact that African-American clients are underserved by the legal community.

From those two appropriate concerns, these guys then see that the obvious solution is that more black people should apply to law school. And so they then make up reasons for why applying to law schools is somehow an especially good idea for black people. As if the fact that there’s a laudable social end magically changes the math of the law school decision.

But the social ends do not justify the economic means. Poor black people need lawyers, they don’t need more poor black people who became poor by going to law school.

Now, I’m all for racial diversity, but I fail to see the social good of encouraging black people to make ruinous financial decisions just because they are underrepresented in the group of people making this particular stupid purchase. I wouldn’t say to a bunch of white people, “You know, you really need to buy expensive rims for your car on credit. No money down!”

Sorry, that might be an inapposite analogy: rims are at least shiny and accomplish their stated goal of providing bling for your ride. A J.D. can’t even be used to adorn a car.

As I said, I’ve heard this terrible argument before, but rarely as boldly as from the associate dean for academic affairs at Penn State Law. Her version of the argument seems more like an attempt to cause active harm to the black community by taking advantage of those who don’t have enough information.

This falsehood that law school is somehow a “better” bet for African-Americans must be stopped, right here, right now….

Read more on AbovetheLaw.

The first half of 2012 was not great in terms of the financial performance of Biglaw. It wasn’t disastrous — we’re not talking about late 2008 and early 2009 — but it was certainly sluggish.

This has caused some legal industry observers to wonder: Might we see a return of layoffs? We’ve already seen significant staff layoffs in the past year, but limited lawyer layoffs. Is that about to change?

Today we bring you bad news about Winston & Strawn, concerning both full-time associates and summer associates….

Read more on Abovethelaw.

Hot for teacher?

Ever since Mary Kay Letourneau’s illicit relationship with an underage student hit the news in 1995, our country has been fascinated with sex scandals involving female teachers. Teacher-student sex scandals have earned a permanent place in our national news coverage, because as we all know too well, there seems to be a new incident each year. The reporting is often intense, and thanks to Nancy Grace’s television takeover, a nationwide assault on the “too pretty for jail” defense was launched into being.

Recently, female teachers have been upping the ante, having sex with multiple students in what have been described as drug- and alcohol-fueled orgies. Take, for example, Stacy Schuler, an Ohio teacher who was convicted of sexual battery after having threesomes with her students.

But the most recent teacher-student sex scandal takes the cake, if only because the allegations involve five students filming amateur porn with their teacher. Until now, we’d never heard of a case that involved so many young men all at the same time. But as they say, everything’s bigger in Texas — including the gang bangs….

Read more on Abovethelaw.

Another law dean blows the whistle.

At some point, the deans of law schools will have to stand up and stand against the way universities use law schools as cash cows. At some point, law deans are going to have to tell their bosses that university programs cannot be funded on the backs of law students who are already paying too much for tuition in a still terrible job market.

And you know what? Standing up for what’s right, and standing up against the blatant price gouging happening at so many law schools, will cost some people their jobs.

Law students who read this resignation letter should ask themselves if their law deans are going to the mattresses for them every day, or if the deans are just rolling over and submitting to university pressures while trying to hang onto their jobs….

UPDATE (7:15 PM): We’ve added a response from the president of the university in question after the jump.

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Last year, all things considered, wasn’t a bad year for Biglaw. The law firms of the Am Law 100, for example, experienced decent growth. In 2011, for the Am Law 100 as a whole, gross revenue grew by 5.3 percent, revenue per lawyer grew by 1.9 percent, and profits per partner grew by 3 percent. It was a perfectly fine year for partners.

How did their counterparts on the corporate side fare? Alas, not as well, according to Corporate Counsel’s latest compensation survey of the nation’s general counsel. Base pay for GCs in the survey declined by 1.8 percent, to an average of $611,411. Bonuses and nonequity incentive pay slid by an even larger number, 7.7 percent, to an average of $1,125,458. Meanwhile, in terms of non-cash compensation, the average stock award fell by 10.8 percent, to $1,426,325, and the average stock option award dropped by a whopping 18.7 percent, to $732,453.

These are just the top-line figures — which, of course, conceal a lot of individual variability. Let’s take a look at some specific names and numbers, as well as the top ten highest-paid general counsel….

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Is Kristen Saban going to have to choke a bitch?

Did you hear the one about the sorority sisters who get drunk, start crying, and get into catfights that result in one of them needing a nose job? I know, it’s a tale as old as time, but this one has a fantastic twist. This time one of the alleged participants is the daughter of famous football coach Nick Saban.

In case you don’t follow sports, Nick Saban is one of the most hated men in college football. The one-time LSU coach has made slurs about Cajuns in Louisiana, and he cowardly walked out on the Miami Dolphins professional franchise. Most people outside of the University of Alabama would love to punch him in the face.

Inside the University of Alabama, he is a God. And according to a new complaint, it’s his daughter that allegedly does the punching of people in the face….

Read more on Abovethelaw.

We’ve previously written about Sullivan & Cromwell’s so-called mailroom of death. To make a long story short (see our previous coverage here, here, and here for the full background), a Biglaw mailroom mixup caused Cory Maples, a Alabama death-row inmate, to miss a deadline for filing an appeal. The Supreme Court intervened, and ruled that in light of a “perfect storm of misfortune,” Maples would not be barred from appealing his conviction because of S&C’s epic screw-up.

Of particular note, however, is the fact that this pro bono debacle came about thanks to the apparent forgetfulness of Jaasi Munanka and Clara Ingen-Housz, two former SullCrom associates. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg pointed this out in her majority opinion (PDF), stating that “[w]hen the associates left Sullivan & Cromwell, they never notified Maples and didn’t seek leave to withdraw.” Because when you effectively abandon a client, SCOTUS is sure to call you out for doing so.

Both Munanka and Ingen-Housz have since moved onwards and upwards. Munanka is now a partner at Hogan Lovells in Denver, and last we heard of Ingen-Housz, she was an associate at Baker & McKenzie. But as always, our tipsters have been keeping a watchful eye on the situation, and now we’ve got some news about Ingen-Housz’s employment situation….

Read more on AbovetheLaw.

It’s not every day that you hear about a law professor who allegedly exposed himself to a law student, but today’s just one of those days.

A criminal complaint has been lodged against Clark Calvin Griffith, a former adjunct law professor at the William Mitchell College of Law. Griffith is 70 years old, but he stands accused of unzipping his pants and forcing a female law student to squeeze his penis. Makes you wonder if they serve Viagra in the William Mitchell faculty lounge.

Let’s learn some more about the lurid allegations against him….

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Parenting can be an extremely difficult task, but an even more difficult task is proper helicopter parenting. It’s got to be an intense job to keep an eye on your child’s every move, day and night, wherever he may roam. In fact, some people have started to call these people lawnmower parents — after all, why choose to hover overhead when you can destructively mow down all obstacles that you perceive to be in your child’s way on the road to success?

Today, we’ve got a story about an attractive California couple who stand accused of being textbook examples of the worst kind of lawnmower parents, and they just so happen to both be lawyers. Daddy is (or was) a securities litigation partner at a midsize firm, and Mommy is a graduate of top law school. Trust us when we say that you do not want to mess with their kid, because you may wind up facing drug charges….

Read more on Abovethelaw.