Dealbreaker Story of the Week – ‘STFU’ Is AIG CEO’s Advice To College Grads

Robert Benmosche is still putting the finishing touches on his commencement address of hope. Read more on Dealbreaker.

Dealbreaker Story of the Week – Quitting Watch ’13: Bank of America

A whole bunch of mini Moynihans are said to have left the building. Read more on Dealbreaker.

Dealbreaker Story of the Week – Bob Diamond Was Touched His Daughter Responded To His Resignation By Telling British Politicians To Hold Her Dick

Diamond talked the situation through with Jennifer, his wife of 26 years. “What is the best thing right now I can do for the firm?” he asked. His answer: “Step aside and shut up.” His daughter, Nell, a recent graduate of Princeton, wasn’t quite so discreet. The morning after Diamond announced his resignation, she tweeted: […]

Dealbreaker Story of the Week – “I WILL F*CKING ASSAULT YOU”: Sorority Girl Offers Wall Street A Clinic In Motivating People

If Tommy “I will run you over in the street” Belesis ever beats those fraud charges, the first thing he does is contact the writer of this letter to sign up for a 2-week intensive course that involves shadowing the master around campus (there is much to learn). The rest of you: take notes. Read […]

Dealbreaker Story of the Week – If You’re Looking For A Drinking Buddy, Look No Further Than Tim Geithner, Says Former Japanese Prime Minister

The ex-Treasury Secretary apparently loves to party and has time on his hands. Read more on Dealbreaker.

Dealbreaker Story of the Week – Carl Icahn Just Wants To Reiterate That Bill Ackman Wouldn’t Want To Find Himself In Certain Parts Of Queens After Dark

Not back in the day, when Icahn was running the Southeastern Queens chapter of the Jewish Crips and not today, as the elder hedge fund manager presumably maintains ties with the organization, whose members stay current on his various investing nemeses and won’t hesitate to fuck someone up. Read more on Dealbreaker.

Dealbreaker Story of the Week – Layoffs Watch ’13: Bank Of America

Cuts are said to have gone down at the House ‘o Moynihan. Read more on Dealbreaker.

Dealbreaker Story of the Week – New Strip Club Offers Financial Services Employees Classy Experience With Non-”Tacky” Girls, Lax Policy On Crotch Grazing

Are you sick of strip clubs that lack sophistication and taste? Do you want to go to a place where you can pay for lap dances from girls who really (no, really!) like you? Are you craving Italian? Today’s your lucky day. Read more on Dealbreaker.

Dealbreaker Story of the Week – Bonus Watch ’13: UBS Hedge Fund Employees None Too Happy To Be Treated Like UBS Employees

The Swiss are scheduled to communicate bonus numbers today. In the meantime, those working in UBS’s O’Connor fund are preemptively pissed re: the news their compensation will be structured as though they were regular old employees of the bank. What are they doing about it? Read more on Dealbreaker.

Dealbreaker Story of the Week – Bill Ackman Is Still Thinking About Filing An Appeal Against The SAT Board For Those 4 Questions He Got “Wrong” In 1984

In 1984, when he was a junior at Horace Greeley High School, in affluent Chappaqua, New York, he wagered his father $2,000 that he would score a perfect 800 on the verbal section of the S.A.T. The gamble was everything Ackman had saved up from his Bar Mitzvah gift money and his allowance for doing […]