Dealbreaker Story of the Week – Electricity Market Rules Did Not Provide A Worthy Opponent For JPMorgan’s Brainpower

The Federal Energy Regulatory Commission fined JPMorgan $410mm today and you can see why JPMorgan would be okay with that. The details are in this marvelously complicated FERC order and settlement agreement,1 but the outlines of the story are simple. FERC built a terrible box, and the box had some buttons that were labeled “push […]

Dealbreaker Story of the Week – SAC’s Rigorous Compliance Program Focused On Coming Up With Euphemisms For Insider Trading

One hopes “black edge” wasn’t on the list. Anyway today’s indictment against SAC, for wire fraud and securities fraud, is a hoot: For example, on or about July 29, 2009, a recently hired SAC PM (the “New PM”) sent an instant message to [Steve Cohen] and relayed that, due to some “recent research,” the New […]

Dealbreaker Story of the Week – At Least One Salesperson On Wall Street Still Prefers Entertaining Clients The Good Old Fashioned Way (Taking Them To Strip Clubs In The Bronx), Thank You Very Much

Time was, bankers ingratiated themselves to clients in an attempt to win their business by taking them out for steak dinners, offering them prime seats at sporting events, and showering them with coke and prostitutes. According to a report by Bloomberg today, though, dangling a chunk of meat in a hedge fund manager’s face no […]

Dealbreaker Story of the Week – Bloomberg Businessweek Criticizes Hedge Funds For Poor Performance, High Fees, Droopy Dicks

I guess this Bloomberg Businessweek cover story is very real and we have to talk about it. So, here you go, tell us in the comments how you feel about how Businessweek feels about your manhood. Be sure to reference the fact that the title of the story is “Hedge Funds Are for Suckers.” My […]

Dealbreaker Story of the Week – Renaissance Technologies: Buy-And-Hold Investor

You can think of a margin loan as being like an option on the underlying security: if I lend you $50 (nonrecourse) against a $100 share of stock, and tomorrow the stock is worth $45, then you’ve lost $50 and I’ve lost $5, same as if I wrote you a $50 strike put option on […]

Dealbreaker Story of the Week – Knight Capital MD Made List (Of People To Fire), Checked It Twice (While Wildly Waving It In The Faces Of Condemned, Onlookers)

This lawsuit is mostly about the (alleged!) unapologetic Antisemitism of Knight Capital managing director Brendan Joseph McCarthy, which former employee and plaintiff Robert Morris Milloul claims caused him and others to lose their jobs in the algorithmic trading unit of the firm; we don’t need to summarize the allegations but we did think it was […]

Dealbreaker Story of the Week – Anthony Scaramucci Has A Solution To The Ugly Broads Working In Midtown Bars Epidemic; Give Him $50K Today And He’ll Take Care Of The Rest

Have you long wished for a place in Midtown where you could order a drink and have it served to you by someone who didn’t look like they fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down? Someone you could actually see propositioning to take into the back room and […]

Dealbreaker Story of the Week – Introducing His Kid To His Stripper Girlfriend(s) In Violation Of Court Order Just One Of Series Of Mistakes Deutsche Bank Adviser Made En Route To Prison

He actually made seven of them, to be exact, and while we can’t say for sure he regrets them all (some evidence suggests he might be the type of person who’d say dating a couple strippers simultaneously was “worth it”), it’s possible he regrets *some* and certainly regrets their cumulative impact. They include: Read more […]

Dealbreaker Story of the Week – Batman Participated In Archer Ltd’s Earnings Call Yesterday

You can hear the audio here (Bruce Wayne comes on the line at 35:50), and for those who like to follow along, a transcript: Read more on Dealbreaker.

Dealbreaker Story of the Week – Caption Contest Friday: Henry Kravis Well Aware That If You Want Something Done Right, You’ve Got To Do It Yourself

Henry Kravis patiently waiting for some Chipotle in midtown this afternoon. It appears that someone has had it with assistants who apparently need “half black, half pinto” tattooed to their wrist. Read more on Dealbreaker.